it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
