Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
