This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize