So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
