i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
