How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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