We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
