Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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