I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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