I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
