I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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