there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize