he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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