Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize