he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
