you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
