ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
