I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
