Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He better not be in your backpack
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
