More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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