This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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