just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You need a sexual gate keeper
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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