**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
