the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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