he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
