I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
