Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had sex on a roof
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
