I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
