I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize