I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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