Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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