Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
