Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
