You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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