she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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