I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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