He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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