i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
