Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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