Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
