I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
