I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
