Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize