dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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