you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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