im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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