I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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