Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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