i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
