just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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