This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
