its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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