i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
