this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Randomize
