I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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