If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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