Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You are the jesus of drinking
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
