Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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