I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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