this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize