with your own penis?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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