i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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