His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
