shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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