Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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