Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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