So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
