Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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