there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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