I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
