The maid of honor just puked.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
