shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
