none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
