Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Blood and glitter go together right?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
